Sometimes the real part of a relationship hits hard, especially when you live in a romantic fairy tale land and romanticize The Great Gatsby and all other love stories.
You wouldn’t guess after seeing us today or on Instagram that last night I went to bed mad asf at him & wouldn’t talk to him all night. It’s a whole different playing field when you spend all day, every day with someone. PEOPLE ARE IRRITATING AF! Even if they’re so freaking handsome (@rilde13)
It’s normal, it’s expected, and it’s a work in progress.
Never stop working on yourself, because it reflects in all your relationships. The work you put into yourself, into creating/changing/altering/strengthening your thoughts and reactions to different circumstances will help you create better relationships. Are you with me? Making sense?
For example: If you’re like me and have trust issues when your significant other goes out with his friends without you.. like UGH, why even would you want to? I’m way more fun than you could ever find in a bar. Regardless, when you start reacting to the situation differently than you normally would (some of my favorites being: not returning text messages the rest of the night, going out with your own girlfriends to make him step into your shoes, sleeping facing away from him)…and instead replace your craziness with trust which is really what you want to bring into your relationship, you’ll see that your night will go a lot smoother. When you repeat this reaction and train yourself to trust, you’re reshaping and bettering your relationship AND yourself. Get it? Got it? Yeah, it’s still a work in progress for me…but you have to start somewhere.
If you don’t feel like you’re growing individually or together you’re going to feel stuck. Stuck bouncing back and forth between wanting and not wanting to be in the relationship, stuck in the same fights, and stuck in the same expectation that it won’t be long until he screws up again.
Instead, BECOME what you want your relationship to embody.
My top 3 things I want to be & want my significant other to be in a relationship are:
I want to be aware of my significant others feelings. I’ve never been the stereotypical girlfriend that makes you talk about your feelings, it’s something I’ve always thought was annoying and slightly nagging when I’ve seen it done in other relationships. But just because you don’t have a weekly sit down about your feelings about one another doesn’t mean you can’t be mindful of their feelings, you just have to pay attention!
Instead of being so consumed by how I’m feeling about a situation I want to strive to be able to see things from his point of view. When I’m stressed out or irritated I’m so consumed with thinking about what’s making me mad that I can’t see where it all stems from. Sometimes I think that as girls we really just have wayyy more emotions than boys, like I could swear sometimes boys don’t even have feelings. But in reality I usually just don’t take the time to figure out what they are.
After all, I expect my significant other to be mindful of how I feel and express interest in my thoughts too, so the least I could do is put effort into this aspect of the relationship so its importance is made aware to us both.
Lol. I am the worst at communicating, I will literally have 1,000 thoughts during a conversation and not communicate even one of them. Inside I am such a softy, I apologize a lot, I think I’m mostly nice & friendly, but that’s not exactly how I come across. I have the toughest time apologizing, and Rilde says that I’m only nice & sweet to him which I think is a little dramatic but whatevs. Communication is a huge deal & it’s one thing I’m always working on. I think a lot of the times I really struggle to communicate is when I lose sight of my goals. I stop striving for things that I want, short-term and long-term and I feel like I lose a part of myself. So, it’s really hard to talk about life and what’s going on when I’m like IDKKK ANYMORE. You have to be on the same page with yourself before you’re going to be able to let someone else in and let them try to understand you.
I’ve realized that no matter how many times you speak this into a relationship you can’t just snap your fingers and trust someone. If you aren’t the type of person that can naturally just trust someone then you’re not going to be able to just magically do it one day. You’re going to have to work on it and you’re probably still going to suck at it for awhile. Get ready to pep-talk the heck out of yourself because I know when I’m put in a situation where I’m uncomfortable because idk what the heck my significant other is doing, I have to talk myself out of the crazy. Ultimately what has helped me the most is realizing that life is short, and no one wants to spend it in a miserable relationship where they feel like they can’t do the things they enjoy doing because their s/o will be mad. What’s the point in having a relationship if what you want to be doing could so much easier be done if you were single? If you’re not going to break up over it then stop being a brat about it -relationship motto-
If it doesn’t come naturally then work on it. React to the situation how you would want your s/o to react if it was reversed. & if your s/o isn’t the best person to tell all your secrets to then idk what to tell you because there’s no fixing that YOU HAVE FOUND YOURSELF A DUD, go find yourself a new lifelong best friend.